Toronto night life

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A List of Things to Be Afraid of

My head-shrinker always told me that passion is a mental illness. In my low opinion, after the many old age I've spent on this shithole of a planet, anyone who still undergoes turns of sanity after seeing the crap that travels on around them endures from mental illness. I've pushed myself through so much crap that there's just got to be some harm to those delicate think organs. All too often, there would be secret mutters from a deep conscience, "just hold through this... one day, things will be better..." We're all insane; it's all really just a substance of the degree.

Item #1. Never forget... the wretchedness you've had to draw through, like wadding through some crap swamp.

So, I've started a list. A listing of things to remember. Because, as hope jumps eternal, my small mental short letters volition one twenty-four hours melt out; that will just be my encephalon making room for alcohol addiction and disrespectful wonts towards my best friends. One day, I'll be satisfied. There will be good friends all around, a good calling doing whatever (I 'unno... I'm thinking machinist or some such), and plentifulness of good times to be had. And, in that future, that dreaming I falter on when I cruise these sidewalks, I conceive of there will be plentifulness of things I forget. Among those, there is this: the shitty wretchedness I've been through. I'm sure that the working class labor don't necessitate to be told what my life have consisted of. Nine to five jobs, those lovely few calendar months of unemployment when it looks that cipher will engage you, approximately five hundred "just one more than time" diacetylmorphine uses, a short letter or two about love delivered via barroom napkin... Poetic, sure, but wretchedness is poetic. One day, I just desire to be 100% sedate.

Item #2. Never forget... when you're in love, you can't trust yourself.

This is a valuable lesson. And, lessons as they are, this 1 ought to be valued. Sure, people will state you, "Yeah, she fucked you over, but at least you learned from it." But then again, few people only larn their lesson when the broken end of a vodka bottle rakes through their face. Wait, I believe it was a gin bottle... Yeah, it had to be. That was her flavor. We were sitting on the couch, drinking, television, insert typical scene component. My memory of the incident isn't too great. I mostly retrieve the police force military officer asking me, "Can you see me? How many fingers am I holding up?" For some reason, my head felt like it had calculated the state of affairs with complete efficiency, and that the answer I was giving tantrum like a puzzler piece. "Don't worry! I'll demo you how to tape the super bowl... That videocassette recorder was never really good. We were planning on getting it replaced anyway..." The military officer asked me the inquiry 1 more time, then called for an ambulence. The last thing I remember, she was being dragged away in handcuffs, fighting and screaming. I caught something like, "Fuck you! I never fucking loved you! This was all your fault!" After that, it's all blank. When I got back out of the infirmary and came to accumulate my things (heh), the neighbour told me: "Yeah, you kind of laid down after she was dragged away... You kept saying, 'oh god, oh god,' and material like that. Oh, yeah, and you started crying and were like, 'I just necessitate to put down, please...' Man, you must've been wasted." Oh, that reminds me...

Item #3. Never forget... to acquire a transcript of that police force report.

I'm always funny what the existent trade was with that. Who the fucking knows... Maybe there's a little piece of wisdom I left behind. Something platitude like, "At 4:30 A.M., the victim kept repeating the phrase 'you have got to remember... you can make anything you desire to.'" Once I acquire the police force study (I really can't afford $10 a page right now), I'm sure that I'll be affluent and with friends, and that small spot of wisdom is going to travel a long way. I mean, shit, it might be something that's not so cliche. It might be something practical. I could really travel for a, "Hey, you should really check up on out this wind record album the bulls recommended," or something like, "Vodka and suds don't premix well." I'm pretty certain Iodine won't acquire something like, "When you're in love, you can't trust yourself." That is going to be etched in to my encephalon for quite a few years. Yeah, that's not long enough; hence, this list. Besides, fucking that neighbor. I wager I held up a small better than he describes.

Item #4. Never forget... you cannot outdrink any of the pack members from Hell's Angels.

This, I would wish to think, was actually one of the foregrounds of my life. I mean, how many people acquire to speak about the time they actually got beat down by a bike gang? And not just any bike gang. The Hell's Angels. It started with a bar, a bike pack (Hell's Angels, yes yes), and five gals of inexpensive vodka. It seemed that I became drunk, beligerent, etc., 1 of them insulted me, and I just swung. Like my past experiences with violence, either there was so much alcoholic beverage and drugs or the force was so excessive, that most of the memories of the incident are blurred. Fortunately, I am told, I didn't acquire killed, which was a existent risk, I guess. But, fucking that. Any time you can't -- oh, wait, this should be the adjacent item...

Item #5. Never forget... any time you're afraid of doing something, just because you might decease afterwards, is a time that you officially have got labelled yourself as a pussy. Go acquire drunk and believe about the determination you've made.

Actually, fucking that. I don't necessitate a reminder for that. Maybe I necessitate a reminder on like, getting regular therapy to handle that ideal. But, a reminder for that? Fuck it. Abrasion that fucker off...

Item #5. Never forget... anytime you're afraid of doing something, just because you might decease afterwards, is a time that you officially have got labelled yourself as a pussy. Go acquire drunk and believe about the determination you've made. (I suck. I can't believe I wrote this... sub-item #5: acquire therapy, heh.)

Item #5. Never forget... always do time to acquire wasted with your friends.

This is an of import note. Any drawn-out amount of time during life that makes not include getting off in some manner or word form will first burn, tear, rip, and eventually destruct you. If at any time, you believe you've been sober for far too long, immediately take a drive to the nighest spirits shop and acquire some booze. Friends are a asset in this situation. Even if you have got to fuckin' grade it on your calendar, do certain you acquires wasted with your friends. Whether you make this with an orgasmic game of scrabble, fucking parties, heroin, or plentifulness of alcoholic beverage is your decision. I've done all as a agency of associating with my friends, and I have got to state you, Scrabble fuckin' sucks. It really is good to pass time with people that you can associate with. It's absolutely necessary. It is in these minutes of profound intoxication, forgetfulness, and absolute blissfulness that you acquire such as beautiful exchanges as, "I'll sell you my psyche for a shwill of that beer... and not the underside portion of the beer, either..." to things as interesting as, "I really necessitate to halt killing people; this crap is really cutting in to my schedule..." I'd do another item, not to bury your friends and to always be there for them, but that's A portion of point #5. Actually, to make certain Iodine don't forget...

Item #5. Sub-clause. Never forget... to be there for your friends when they necessitate you.

There have got been some good friends, some bad friends, and not in any manner you might recognize. My best friend introduced me to heroin, and that's not why he's my best friend. And, one of the top friends I ever had (who I'd wish to believe was never my friend), is now my worst enemy. It was because he sided with my household members when they tried to have got an intercession on my drinking. I agreed to listen, so long as I could imbibe Bacardi... and so long as person else was paying for it. That fucker. He was all like, "I don't believe that's A good thought that you imbibe at all." It was his dissension to Bacardi, his resistance that gave my household more negotiating leverage. I finally did do a trade for a six-pack of generic beer, in exchange for hearing time. But still, if I could have got got gotten a bottle of Bacardi, that would have been the coolest intercession of my life. And for that reason, Joe-Bob-Bill (whatever) is now my worst enemy. This, devoted and trustful reader, conveys me to my adjacent item.

Item #6. Never forget... to completely misgiving your family.

There are a few sub-clauses, amendments, and "what if" affrays that come up along with this item, but I'm sure that I'll be able to fully retrieve them all if I ever necessitate this listing of things to remember for advice. I don't really cognize what the state of affairs is, you know, different civilizations all around the Earth with different values and different household relationships, and the manner people even in United States have got learned to germinate and alteration things. I really make believe that your family's silent feelings of you can truly take a very degenerating toll on your mind. For so long, you've been at their mercy. Prejudices, bigotry, hatreds, loves, insufficiencies expressed through fury and violence... All of this is passed to you, not just by factors (if by factors at all), but by the manner your household acted and behaved when you were just a immature tot. I've come up to the very clear decision that your household cannot be trusted. The natural, mental process, the 1 that tells you to always esteem and award your parents' opinion, you have got to interject that with, "They're lying to you." It necessitates to go instinct. So, when you acquire something like, "I believe you have got a drinking problem," your scruples necessitates to react: "They're lying to you." Then, you can reply, "Drinking problem? I name this a drinking solution. Ha! I made you look stupid." This inherent aptitude necessitates to move like a filter. So, you can hear a household member say, "Hey, I believe your girlfriend is violent and you should interrupt up," your scruples travels off sending you a warning, and then your encephalon processes: "Hhhmmmm, they could be right." But, I've already got crazy, psychotic girlfriends covered in point #2.

Item #7. Never forget... to not name your landlord a "cuntfuck" unless you have got a lease.

This point is rather self-explanatory.

Item #8. Never forget... to bury everything you learned in school.

I'm sure that few people would differ with me on this point. Children are herded in to these tremendous buildings. You can't urine without permission. You can't walk without permission. Those who are independent are punished. It's not education. Real Number instruction promotes your head and makes independency for you. When you can't urine without an important figure's nod, you're nothing more than a fuckin' slave. Forget everything you've learned. Those stereotypes you picked up between smoking weed in the bathroom and juggle Numbers in class, that style of life that have you cowering in fear... I could travel on and on. Facts are facts, and this volition always peal true: if you can't bury what you larn from school, you'll be cursed for life. Everything from your calling to your household and your relationships. Fuck school. If you have got any regard for it, then remain the fucking away from me.

Item #9. Never forget... there's always time to change.

I say that's the ultimate point of this of this list. When I look through these items, I retrieve every time I've made a personal resolution, a commandment to myself. And, everytime I believe of those resolutions, I believe about the minutes I abandon them. They look like hard moments. I hear echoes of family, telling me, "That's because you never complete anything you start," or maybe I'm looking at a police force military officer through the parallel bars of a holding cell, listening to the same old argument: "I didn't have got to convey you in here, but I did." For every promise that I've made to myself and broken, I've made another promise. I think that's wherefore I've labelled this, "A List of Things to Be Afraid of." Right now, I believe I'm going to travel out to the barroom with my friends, see if I can outdrink anyone, and see if I can fall in love with some stranger. If anyone ever happens this list, I'll do certain to state them, "Don't take that advice to heart, kid... Living life like that just isn't deserving it." To all the errors I've made, I say the hardest thing I have got to larn is that I can always change.

For Life,

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My Grannio

I never thought Iodine would have got got got got got got got got to state adieu to my best friend… But that's what Iodine had to make today Iodine had to allow travel of her forever –

There was no other manner For me to face world Oregon make-believe to be all right Iodine had no conception –

Of how difficult it would be To actually allow travel Of this immense portion of me… Not tomorrow or ever –

Will my life be the same Without my Grannio here Life looks to be a game – Of opportunity and questions…

Questions that never stop And have no replies That tin get to repair The agape hole inside of me

Nor come up close to healing My bosom and psyche that Look to be feeling Lost, asleep and empty-

Completely hollow… Like I have cipher left To really follow – Through life with respect

She was so much more than than than Than my Grandmother I knew that before She left this earth

And I told her so More than once or twice Because she had to cognize Just how very particular –

And truly blessed I felt to have her as my friend She was the best Without a uncertainty –

My Grannio gave me More than anybody Volition ever really see… It was an unspoken –

Kind of love That came with no statuses And went far above The normal caring

And intend support For a grandchild – Or household of any kind She gave more of herself

To me than anyone In my life ever volition Cipher could have done What she did for me

With so much devotion, Absolute honestness And true emotion… Her loyalty was –

Sincerely undying I recognize so much Now that I'm crying – And wishing that

I had just one more twenty-four hours To pass holding her manus And trying to take away Her fearfulnesses and her hurting –

That took over her Body and her head Like never before… In our lives –

I would have sincerely Given 20 old age of my life To have her merely Be here tomorrow –

I cannot explicate The manner I experience today Or how much I hurting Is inside of me –

That will never travel away No substance how much time go throughs I cognize this aching will remain With me forever…

Just as her particular touching Will always be with me And mean so very much – To me and my son…

Jakob Seth Thomas Her "BabyDoll" And I assure To never bury –

What she would have done If she was still here For him – her only one Great-grandchild…

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Poems of our Time

Lost in Time

We look to be lost in time

busy with our commerce;

making money and edifice towers,

waging warfares and reaping flowers.

What did our old folks do

in their lazy old lifetime

to convey forth such as a generation

of world that looks to be

totally lost in time?


Just a brief
conversation, over dinner;
Two Worlds had spun!

Two hearts, spoke
across a table;
Had so much fun!

Is it love,
or a loneliness;
that conveys us together?

From up above,
He supplies us;
A sweet scented savor!

We attain out,
so blindly, moving;
Away, out of sight!

Like two ships,
passing each other;
Through a stormy night!


Nuwara Eliya

Rail me back to Nuwara Eliya,

There's where the tea and the pears and berries grow.

There's where the watercourses dribble sweet in the springtime.

There's where the mist in the morning time hangs low.

Drive me round the huge unfastened spaces,

There's where the dairy farm and the meat and veggies grow.

There's where the Equus caballuses nicker snorting in the sunshine.

There's where the flowers blooming brightly from their bough.

Walk me up old Piduru-tala-gala,

There's where the fauna and the crafty old fox roams.

There's where the stones are hewn all over nature.

There's where true peace reigns composure in our home.

Take me down to the exuberant greenness Plains.

There's where the birds and the bees and fauna go.

There's where the world looks to stop in its lifetime.

There's where the beauty of life looks to flow.

[Note: Nuwara Eliya is a high height hill station town in the Central State of Sri Lanka where temperatures are typically cool and where some of the best teas in the world are grown]

Monday, March 24, 2008

Let Me Tell You About My Ger

First of all, no other little boy can have a Ger -Not in a million years - She's One of A Kind And SHE'S ALL MINE - No, no (I shake my head) and tell you I WILL NOT SHARE THIS SPECIAL LADY My Ger belongs to me - It's plain to see...By her smile that could light up New York Citywhen she sees me coming and that special sparkle in her eyes ONLY when she looks at me!

My GER has a heart of gold and she gives me everything a little boy could ever want...She tells everybody about her BABYDOLL - THAT'S ME!My GER is the wonderful lady who has held me, hugged me, fed me, changed my 'poo-stinky'diapers, chased me all over the house, even up and down the stairs, made me laugh hysterically, cuddled my chubby little body so close to hers, rocked me to sleep, held my tiny hands as I took my first steps and learned to walk, read me lots of neat books, showed me pictures in all kinds of magazines, taught me how to say my first word 'MAMA!'She always listens to everything I have to say and she understands what I'm talking about better than anyone else can...My Ger has loved me with all her heartSince the day I was bornAnd she loves my Mama the same way too -We are so lucky to have My Ger(And she's My Mama's Grannio too)Noboby could ever take her place in our life - We love her with all our heart and soul andWe thank God for My Ger Each Day - SHE'S A BLESSING IN EVERY WAY

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Ramblings of a Madman

"And I think to myself.. what a wonderful world!"-- Louis Armstrong.

Life is the most tangible incomprehensible thing and that is what makes it so mysterious. Its mysterious-ness stems from the fact that even while being a part of it, we are incapable of understanding it. When we were younger, we believed that the adults had all the answers. It was only when we became adults that we realized that we still do not know much about life. Sure, we may have found different ways to pass our time. School and colleges are an effective way for us to pass about 17 years if we go through the whole system. Work then lies ahead of us. It is as though everything is already planned. We look for a place to fit within the ready-made system because in those 17 years, along with the time spent with the family, we have been conditioned to fit into the system and it all started on the day you were sent to school where everyone wore uni-forms (one form), had the same sized tables, had the same textbooks. Everything was made to look the same. In fact, if you were bigger in size, you were made fun of. The fat kid who couldn’t sit in the table didn’t have a table made for him. He just got made fun of because he didn’t fit in.

There’s nothing wrong with fitting in and I’m not dissing the educational system. What I am pointing at is that, we are all unique. We came to give something to the world, not to mold ourselves to fit with the patterns have already been made. We live in a technological age which would not have been possible if we were following the system of the Agricultural age. We would not be able to figure out new ways of business and globalization if we were stuck in the Industrial age. Today in the age of the knowledge workers, everyone is doing the same thing. Every revolution turns out to be the creation of a pattern that will remain the same until another revolution. That’s the cycle of the world and that’s what revolution means (to turn around). How far can you turn something around until it gets to the same place again? That’s something to think about. We have been born from this world, and are living in it. In childhood we had that awe, but because we have lived so long in this world we may now be bored of it. What’s the earthly use of prolonging your life if you’re going to get bored longer?

People need to get out of their heads and into their experience of the world. Knowing things do not really solve problems. Knowing doesn’t help anything it just helps you to avoid the things that you should be doing. The personal development industry is constantly coming up with “new” products although it has been going on for almost a century if not longer. Do you think they are finding new things? No! We are just taking the same old things that people already know, but are not doing! We need to get out of the knowing and into wisdom; knowing and not doing equals not knowing. And that is simply why the industry thrives. We need to get out of our heads and jump into the experience of life itself. It makes no sense to read and listen, and understand. Understanding is the booby prize in life; it sounds like a lot, but doesn’t mean anything! You’re missing out on life, but you’re happy that you understand everything. Wake up!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Tempus Fugit and the Dollar Doesn't

Money is time, a trade goods which can be used to gauge worth in regard to the time needed to construct, design, build, assemble, mine or in other ways carry through a task, the creative activity of a product, a skill, an thought or any mercenary value. The value of a dollar alterations from minute to minute depending on who possesses it at any specific point in time.

Time is the value of money, or rather the amount of your time that you are willing to merchandise for something you desire or may need.

We all start out with a finite amount of this commodity, it is often taken for granted, and it’s perceptual experience is very closely related to the age of its possessor. It is an unknown region measure talented to us by the Godhead power, Godhead or Supreme Being of our chosen belief and it is given to us to devour as we may desire. Our time can be shared together, used to carry through tasks, larn new things, exchanged for stuff necessitates or wants, enjoyed or wasted, but it cannot be deposited into some other people account. Each person’s time is theirs alone to utilize and to find its true value.

Let’s conceive of for a minute that dollar in the hands of a struggling migrator worker, person have told him that an hr of his time is deserving six dollars and his desires or demands are deserving more than in the “time is money” equation. He is and will stay a mediocre man. Take that dollar and set it in the manus of a Wall Street executive, who person have determined rates a six figure annual income and estimation its worth. This is a affluent adult male and might stay so as long as his time is perceived to be of more than value than the mediocre migrator worker.

Who is this mystical person that have determined this value, and why. Truly it can be said that the migrator worker will not care about purchasing or merchandising stock and may not even be aware of the stock market. He will never necessitate the time allocated this affluent person. Equally certain it can be said that at some time this affluent individual will desire or demand the green goods gathered by this mediocre migrator worker. Equally certain it is dubious that the affluent person, not all but most, have no thought how or when to gather, works or cultivate this produce. The affluent adult male indeed makes demand the mediocre man. Whose time is really of greater value, who can last without the other? Oh mystical someone, delight state me how you find value. Now conceive of if this mediocre adult male could sell an hr of his life to this affluent individual for deposit into his life’s time account, added to the finite measure talented to him. What then would be the worth of this hour? In footing of time and money it is apprehensible to some grade that the time remaining in any peculiar people business relationship may be conceived to be of a greater value when gauged by the amount of this trade goods they have got sacrificed earlier in their life, in their trade for cognition or skills. Truly, I too place a greater value on certain peoples time. I am weak to change the dollar value, which have been determined by the mystical someone, and very often I am not in understanding with the mystical someone, but they are a powerful force. They have got not given us a telephone figure or computer address with which we may reach them and show our disagreements. They are ego regulation and look to prefer the affluent in determining the value of that same hr talented to each of us by the true powerfulnesses of our beliefs. Question how an earthly grouping can place a value on a trade goods which they themselves cannot quantify or control. Can there be a Federal Soldier Time Depository? Are they the mystical someone? Bashes anyone out there hear me or care?

I compose this and inquire these inquiries from the position of a center aged person, but wait, is this really the center of my life? Can the mystical person state me? Should Iodine anticipate more than dollars now for each of my remaining hours?

I recently went to a Lawyer to make something which was not overly complicated in nature. Mystical person had told this attorney his time was deserving two hundred and twenty five dollars for each hour. I would not necessitate this attorney except for the complexness of the Pentateuch involved. Who make you believe made these Pentateuch so complex that I would necessitate a lawyer? The meeting included my wife, myself and the attorney in the same room, at the same desk and for the same hour. This cherished hr talented to us each was consumed, sacrificed, spent, never to be re-deposited into our time accounts. One hr of my wife’s time, value equaled zero dollars, my time the same, the lawyer’s hr was rewarded with two hundred and twenty five of these dollars. We each withdrew from our time business relationships the same amount, but the attorney exchanged his hr for a different stuff trade goods which he could set in a different earthly account.

Excuse me mystical someone, I did not inquire anyone to perplex this issue, I did not necessitate this to be obscured in written textual matter nor perverted or interpreted to be a complex thing. Why have got you given this value to my lawyer’s hr and not to mine. Are not both of our hours irreplaceable? Oh, I forgot, you can’t answer, as you have got not a telephone or computer address to where I might direct my inquiry.

I would wager that the mediocre migrator worker would not necessitate to portion with this many dollars for this reason. This meeting was in sees to a existent estate transaction, the same sort performed in other countries on a handshake. Curiously this is one of the few duties originally performed in this country, only by lawyers.

Oh mystical someone, I was told our concern theoretical account was based on supply and demand, there are plenty of lawyers, I am told I necessitate one, but I would rather not acquire one, so my demand is low. Bashes this alteration the dollar value of his talented hour?

I often jest about instructors to my family. Not out of discourtesy for the profession, but more than of a confusion as to the dollar value of their hour. In my area, instructors are paid very well and pay rises are based on their degree of instruction or grades held, not on performance, ability or the class degree they teach. I postulate that to learn a class of 3rd class English Language students, you necessitate a small more than than a 3rd class education. I cognize this is not entirely true but again I differ with mystical person who have determined a high dollar value for their talented hours, there by creating an addition in my taxes. By the manner mystical someone, that new library edifice you set such as a high dollar value on is beautiful, but aren’t they supposed to have got got a batch of books in them?

The mediocre migrator worker probably never had a school, or instructor and have no demand of a library, since he probably cannot read, but wait I’m getting hungry, allows travel acquire a book to eat or would you prefer a brick?

My intent is not to demean any community or individual and if I have offended anyone to this point, I widen my sincere apology. My journeying is to turn up the mystical person so I may show my questions.

I often express joy at the value of things. Take for case the most sought after cherished metal, gold. See the hours sacrificed by other to mine this metal. How much gold are their talented hours worth? The mystical person have put a value on their hr that would barely travel a gramme scale. What is the value of this metal, why is it sought after? To the best of my cognition the lone usage for gold is in the electrical field for its’ ability to possess very small opposition to the flowing of electricity and in the medical field because of it’s inert properties, though I am certain there may be other uses, but you can’t eat it, at least not for nourishment. The concerted demand in all other usages have very small consequence on the value of gold, but for the demand to possess it in its purest form, for what ground I am not sure, it have small value. Would you merchandise all your gold for an hr of time from the migrator workers remaining talented hours if you could be certain they would be deposited into your life account?

Ranting to be continued...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

You Lost Your Last Gamble and Me

I will never believe twice nor will I revolve the die When it come ups to my life I will take my Grannio's advice

You play the manus you're dealt when it come ups to who will be your Dad - But if you bluff about a card's face value for too many old age you bury you had - No Aces or King of Hearts in your original deck - But rather a worthless Joker-So Wild and Mad...

You can inquire yourself why for another 20 old age but you'll never understand how a Joker have no fears...

Not about losing his kids, his freedom nor his wife- Why should he care or support them No substance how many times they saved his life?

When you're a wild card like him you always set yourself first above your household and friends They're not of import of course... Except when you need THEM - Then they're not such as a curse...

They owe you anything you inquire even if they have got to empty their purse... To salvage The Joker from his up-to-the-minute fast ones - No Substance How Many Times His Wild Way Lead to DUI, Jail, Fines Or Failing To Be a Father...

They Must Accept World Where A Child Pays... The Ageless Price - For The Present Their Parents Gave Them - A Gift From Supreme Being Not Man - It's Called The Right To Life...

I didn't inquire to be born - nor to have got you for My Dad But I'll Be Damned If Iodine Didn't Run To Your Rescue No substance WHEN, WHERE, Oregon HOW bad - Your Predicaments REPEATEDLY Proved To Be...

I'd Hide My Crying And Swallow My Fears But Iodine NEVER WALKED AWAY Oregon left YOU hanging NOT ONCE IN MORE THAN 20 YEARS...

You'd Fill My Mind With Reasons Why... You Got Arrested or Didn't Come See Me There Was Always A New Lie - To Make Me Believe It Wouldn't Happen Again

Your Promises Lasted For A Week or A Month... But They Were Broken So Many Times - That Iodine Stopped Listening or Believing - You And Your Endless List of Lines...

I Loved You Because You Were My Dad THE ONLY father I'D EVER rich person Iodine Wanted To Stop Hurting So Bad And Iodine Put My Religion In You...

Foolishly Believing That You'd Find A Manner To Show Me The Same Unconditional Love and Support Somehow... Some Way... Some Day...

Monday, March 17, 2008

A Philosophical Dissertation on Consciousness


The enquiry of what our consciousness is, or how or where it is produced, have been the topic of much philosophical inquiry over the past centuries. Some have got relied upon Negro spiritual conclusions, claiming that consciousness is one's psyche (though today, the term "soul" often intends one's emotional individuality). There are different claims across ancient civilization, offering the thought that the psyche bes in a physical portion of the body, be it the head, the heart, or the genitals. However, with the rise of science, there is a new attack to the inquiry of consciousness. The importance given to consciousness changes sometimes from individual to individual, from school of idea to school of thought. Some philosophers simply wonder at the complexness of the thing, sometimes almost reflectively. Just as some philosophers see it as a spectular thing that necessitates explanation, some philosophers see the inquiry of consciousness as an of import underyling factor in their full philosophy.

For example, as a Vegetarian, I make not actively prosecute in any activity which do suffering or unwanted decease to a conscious being. Naturally, since I have got this philosophical conception of rights, I desire to understand this scientific conception of consciousness. Sometimes I am asked whether I would see the rights of a plant, bacteria, or an insect. To these three organisms, I have got no trouble answering. A works and bacterium make not incorporate a consciousness, whereas grounds propose that insects have got a kind of consciousness. But whether or not I am right or incorrect in such as a response, I will always say, "I see the rights of conscious beings. None others." If they inquire into which organsms are conscious and if I make not know, I react that the inquiry of consciousness is one of science, not one of philosophy. As far as how consciousness works, I make not know. I only trust to supply inquiries that I have got thought of endlessly, with no conclusion. To cite Scientific American about a story of Neuroscientists...

"Koch, 44, directs the calculation and neural systems programme at Caltech. He arrived here in 1986, a time when consciousness research was still considered calling suicide even for constituted encephalon researchers. But high-profile attention to the topic by Nobelists Gerald M. Edelman and Francis Crick, coupled with advances in functional encephalon imaging, have got elevated the field--and its investigators--to respectability.

"Neurobiologists have since given up the impression that Robert Koch may be dangerously offbeat, despite his having tattooed his arm last summertime with the Apple Computer logotype to show his love of the Mackintosh (a ardor not even matched by Steve Jobs). The neuroscientist takes about 20 research workers and phone calls their missionary post to explicate consciousness 'one of the major unsolved jobs of modern science.'" [Scientific American, July, 2001.]

Consciousness According to Science...


"All thoughts, emotions, sensations, movements, and desires have got their beginnings in encephalon processes. Without a operation brain, the human beingness is reduced to a vegetative state, not able to execute any actions or pessos any feelings, and left without he ability even to change bodily work in rseponse to change. While this article will see the human brain, which is more than composite and highly developed than that of any other animal, the encephalons of all mammels, and indeed most vertebrates, are remarkably similar.

"The cardinal nervous system is composed of the encephalon and the spinal anesthesia cord. The nervousness that supply the remainder of the organic structure are attached to the encephalon and sinal cord and include the motor nerves, which trip muscels, and the centripetal nerves, which convey information into the cardinal nervous system. In addition, the nervousness that supply the internal variety meat are establish outside the encephalon and spinal cord." [Collier's Encyclopedia, under "Brain."]


"Many animals, however, certainly sympathise with each other's distress or danger. This is the lawsuit even with birds. Captain Stansbury establish on a salt lake in Beehive State an old and completely unsighted pelican, which was very fat, and must have got been well fed for a long time by his companions. Mr. Blyth, as he informs me, saw Indian gloats feeding two or three of their comrades which were blind; and I have got heard of an correspondent lawsuit with the domestic cock. We may, if we choose, phone call these actions instinctive; but such as lawsuits are much too rare for the development of any particular instinct. I have got myself seen somes dog, who never passed a true cat who put ill in a basket, and was a great friend of his, without giving her a few salt licks with his tongue, the surest mark of sort feeling in a dog." [The Descent of Man, by Prince Charles Darwin, chapter 4, portion I.]

Pain and Suffering...

"When animate beings endure from an torment of pain, they generally writhe about with frightful contortions; and those which habitually utilize their voices arrant acute shouts or groans. Almost every musculus of the organic structure is brought into strong action. With adult male the oral cavity may be closely compressed, or more than commonly the lips are retracted, with the dentition clenched or land together. There is said to be "gnashing of teeth" in hell; and I have got plainly heard the grinding of the grinder dentition of a moo-cow which was suffering acutely from redness of the bowels. The female river horse in the Zoological Gardens, when she produced her young, suffered greatly; she incessantly walked about, or rolled on her sides, gap and shutting her jaws, and clattery her dentition together. With adult male the eyes stare wildly as in horrified astonishment, or the foreheads are heavily contracted. Perspiration bathes the body, and driblets dribble down the face. The circulation and internal respiration are much affected. Hence the anterior nariss are generally dilated and often quiver; or the breath may be held until the blood stagnates in the violet face. If the torment be terrible and prolonged, these marks all change; arrant heat exhaustion follows, with fainting or convulsions." [The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, by Prince Charles Darwin, chapter 3.]

Consciousness: What I Make Not Know...

As far as assorted philosophical ideas go, I have got often been hesitating to print ideas without first determination a decision (one, of course, based on grounds and Reason). However, as much as Iodine thought on the subject of consciousness, the more than than Iodine believe the more I go convinced that lone science, demonstration, and observation, could detect the replies to my questions. The following is an enquiry concerning consciousness...

Our brains, like all other physical things, is composed of matter. In this sense, it is composed of different atoms, such as as Carbon and Nitrogen, interlocking to constitute structures. The constructions of the encephalon give it the capableness of consciousness. The inquiry I am presenting is not how consciousness can arrise from basic elements, but how reliant on upon the molecules consciousness is. The Atomic Theory can be defined as follows: the theory that all substance is composed of atoms, and that all atoms are composed of simple structures, including protons. All protons are incredibly similar in structure, and an atom's individual is defined by the figure of protons it has. A Hydrogen atom, for example, have 1 proton. A Helium atom differs from a Hydrogen atom in that it have 2 protons. Carbon have 4 protons. Iron have 77 protons. Gold have 79 protons. Silver have 47 protons. Uranium have 92 protons. The difference between these elements differs in protons, and a proton alterations other factors. For each proton, there is a neutron. For each proton, there is an attractive force to another electron. One gold atom, though, will respond the same as any other gold atom, as long as statuses are the same.

Describing the Atomic Theroy is only a preliminary to the inquiry of consciousness. Since one Carbon atom responds the same as any other Carbon atom, what would go on if a Carbon atom in someone's encephalon was quickly replaced with a different Carbon atom? Since all Carbon atoms respond the same, the consciousness of the individual would not be altered. This would intend that their thoughts, their ideas, their emotions, their memories, and their personality would not change. Talking to them would not be like talking to an entirely different person. No alteration would be noticeable. But, what did change? It was only one eremitic atom. Still, the organ which bring forths conscious have one portion different.

It is of import to understand the different consciousnesses when examining this. I make not intend the many different consciousnesses within a single person, but with many people. For example, if one person's encephalon was entirely reconstructed to be identical, both people would be different entities. The first individual believes for themself, just like the 2nd person. But, importantly, they are different beings. The first is the first and the 2nd is the second. If one were to have got a thought, it would not give that idea to the other. By claiming that each encephalon is its ain entity, I intend that each is composed of its ain substance and bring forths its ain consciousness. When we change one Carbon atom, by switching it with another, we are changing the substance of the brain, though the designing stays changeless. The 1 atom changed. Would that average a different consciousness is produced? When I talk of a difference, I talk of entity. Would the consciousness alteration from the state it had before the new Carbon atom to the state after it had the new Carbon atom, this alteration being the same difference between the physical thing of consciousness existing between two different persons? WHat would go on if we replaced every atom in the encephalon with a new indistinguishable one? It would be a new existent consciousness, just acting the same, believeng the same, doing the same. The consciousness Acts the same, but it differes as an entity. You can have got two indistinguishable shoes, for example, but they are difefrent in that they are not made out of the same exact matter. The same inquiry bes with the encephalon and consciousness. The brain, an organ made of matter, bring forths the consciousness, but if the encephalon is altered by one indistinguishable atom, is consciousness different in entity?


I have got tried my best to offer a simple, apprehensible simplification of my thoughts on this subject. Perhaps, though, my thinking of the inquiry of consciousness is diluted by the thought that it is special, or perhaps it is impossible to do such as ideas accurately given what little we cognize of it, given the mediocre cognition obtained by science. Whatever the lawsuit may be, consciousness is consciousness, and I have got offered my inquiries and ideas on it.

For Life,

Sunday, March 16, 2008

How to Create a Family History Video Memoir with Photos and Interviews of Your Loved Ones

Here are illustrations of two basic videos you can make quickly on a great budget:

Example A — Do-it-yourself for around $125 + other copies

1. The interview

Rent a digital video camcorder or if you have got one already, usage it. At the Video Kitchen in Louisville, Bluegrass State our $48 day-to-day lease complaint includes a tripod, a 60 minute digital tape and one DVD transcript of your video.

In a comfortable room with bright and warm (incandescent) visible lights behind the camcorder facing the topic and no dorsum visible light (windows behind the person) videotape your relative. Brand certain there is H2O to imbibe and the camcorder is within 6 feet of the individual. First record 15 secs of soundless video with the lens system cap on at the beginning of the video. For more than information on how to hit great video, bank check out the article by Video Kitchen owner, Carlile Crutcher at:

There are usually two parts to a life video: inquiries and photos. First, in a clear voice, behind the photographic camera or preferably sitting adjacent to the subject, read the inquiries and let for plentifulness of time for answers, this is not a race, do certain the topic experiences comfortable to state stories, or travel off on tangents. Here are illustrations of inquiries to ask:

What is today’s date?
What is your full name (and inaugural name)?
When is your birthday?
What twelvemonth were you born?
What was going on in the world that year?
What were your parents’ names? Ages when you were born?

Tell us about your aunties and uncles.
What is your most outstanding memory of your grandmother? …your grandfather?
Did you have got blood brothers and/or sisters? …their name calling and ages?
Did you have got any farm animate beings and/or pets when you were little?
What was a typical twenty-four hours like when you were 5 old age old?
Did you have got a moniker when you were younger?
What athletics or games did you like to play?
What was something you did as a kid that was really scary?

What subjects did you bask in class school? Why?
What was a typical twenty-four hours like when you were 10 old age old?
What were some things you and your friends did for merriment as a child?
Who was your best friend when you were a immature teenager?
How many people went to your high school?
What was a typical twenty-four hours like when you were 15 old age old?
Did you like to dance or listen to music? What kinds?
When did you start dating? Who was your first kiss?
When did you first larn to drive? What sort of vehicle? How fast did you go?

What was your first occupation? …your starting salary?
Did you travel to college? Where? What did you study? What did you like most?
How did you ran into your spouse? What first attracted you to him or her?
Where did you travel on your first date? How did they inquire you to get married them?
How old where you when you got married? Where was it?
Did you or your partner travel away to any wars? Which ones? What was that like?
Where were you when Kennedy was assassinated? How did you hear about it?
Where were you when adult male first walked on the moon? How did you hear about it?
When did you go to your first movie? What was it? Was there sound?
Which president from your life did you like the most? Why?

How old were you when you had your first child?
What are your children’s names? What make you like the best about each of them?
What are your grandchildren’s names? What make you like the best about each of them?
What is a typical twenty-four hours like for you now?
What are some of your favourite things to make now?
What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
What make you like about your life today?
If you could re-experience 1 thing in your life, what would it be?
What is the 1 most of import thing you have got done in your whole life?
Are there anything that you always wanted to do, but never did?

2. Discourse household photographs -
Now come ups the 2nd portion of the video… photos. You don’t desire to have got whole books of images to travel through. A good figure is 30. Rich Person the topic expression at each photo, depict what is going on as if they are showing it to someone, and state its story. Let them cognize that they make not necessitate to demo the black and white to the camera, and not to point to specific things, but to just depict them in any item they wish. Once they have got finished with the photographs as them one more than question…

If they could give one message or spot of advice to their coevals of posterity to come, what would it be?

Now your beginning video is finished and you are ready to redact it.

3. Edit the video and photographs -

Call your local video redaction suite and modesty an redact station. Let them cognize that you have got a MiniDV digital tape that you desire to redact video from, photographs you desire to include and music to be added. At Video Kitchen in Louisville Kentucky, our basic redact station have a $19 apparatus complaint plus $29 hourly. You necessitate to convey in the videotape, the photographs and a cadmium with soft background music (we can supply the music if necessary). If everything went well and you have got a good plan, it should take a couple of hours to finish the editing. We will set a statute title page at the beginning, replace subdivisions of video with the photographs and add the background music to the audio track.

Now you have got a digital maestro tape. Your first DVD transcript is included in the terms of your camcorder rental. Pricing for further transcripts are establish on our duplicate page.

Example Type B — Work with a production company's staff for around $550 + other copies

1. The interview

Call the your local video production installation and apparatus a shoot. At Video Kitchen in Louisville Kentucky, our shoots include a broadcast quality camcorder with an operator and a radio microphone. Lights are extra. We will come up to your location and do certain that everything is captured perfectly. There is a $49 apparatus fee plus $99 per hr and we will probably be onsite for an hr and a half.

The shoot will continue as in illustration #1 with a friend or relative reading the topic questions, describing photos, telling narratives and sharing memories.

2. The Edit session

Then put up an assignment at the video production installation to come up in and sit down with an editors at a digital computing machine non-linear redact station. At Video Kitchen in Louisville Kentucky, this station runs $99 hourly and depending on how much redaction is needed, it will probably take around three and a one-half hours. At this station, we can add photos, music and statute titles with slices and dissolves. Then we would do your digital maestro and make one DVD transcript which is included in your shoot. Pricing for further transcripts are establish on our duplicate page at

More tips

The physical object is to acquire the cardinal figure of the video to start talking. Think about it, there are times this individual makes start telling narratives without end. It might be after a big Thanksgiving Day dinner, it might be late at night, it might be at the kitchen table, it may take a glass of something to cut down tension.

Sometimes it takes something to put the topic off, to acquire them on their soapbox, to state the children how it was back in the good old days. A lively treatment of world events, the manner children frock today, the cost of gasolene may assist getting the juices to flow.

There are some Masters at this art. Two come up to mind. Jim Lipton on Assassin in the Actor's Studio programme interviews film stars in a manner that investigations their personality and background without parallel. He have done his research and have inquiries on bluish index cards. His inquiries not only are "tell me" but also unfastened a topic by telling the histrion something that Lipton already cognizes a small about, and the histrion is invited to fill up in the blanks, resoluteness the conflict, complete the joke.

Charlie Rose is another superb endowment at drawing information out of his guests. Same bluish cards. Same method of asking inquiries by making a statement and inviting the invitee to come in into the conversation. He is on phosphate buffer solution late most evenings. You might desire to catch some of these sorts of shows to assist you map out a strategy you are comfortable with.

If the individual asking the inquiries is nervous and tight, it may not work. Find a replacement. If the topic of the interview is lost in the best household couch and you retrieve most lively treatments being around a table, travel for the table. Sound is more than of import than the picture. Stay close. Leave the photographic camera running through minor errors; just state it again after a little pause. It will be easy to cut out later. Try to maintain going. If the first session doesn't work well, laughter it off and allow the topic cognize you'll be back. A bad frock dry run frequently do for a great first performance.

While it may increase the budget from the Numbers suggested above, there are many ways to add other stories, movies and images to your Memoir Video. Other members of the household may have got great narratives to add, video cutaway drawings of the topic in action walking in the neighborhood, sawing a board, or cooking a repast can all add to an apprehension of who this individual is. But don't throw too many things into your first effort. You will have got a digital master. You will be able to add more than later. Don't program holds into your project!

We look forward to learning your households history with you and hope to assist you continue it for old age to come. If you have got any other inquiries about video editing, duplication, transportation Oregon conversion, delight visit our web page at or you can compose us a 1917 Blankenbaker Drive in Louisville Kentucky 40299

Good fortune on creating your ain memory photograph collage video!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

My Final Defeat - Fixed Competition

She probably can't retrieve and One cognize Iodine can never forget...the first time I saw her similar that I was only nine years-oldnot naif by any stretchhaving seen my share of tragedy-my parent's acrimonious conflicts in my first five old age of lifethen the inevitable end of their marriagebut not before 700 old age of devastation called divorcethat destroyed dreamings and deeply damaged heartsI had no thought life could acquire worse...

But it did -

The twenty-four hours I establish her passed out cold on the life room floorI thought she was sleeping at firstIn fact I swore she was just sound asleep to my petrified small sisterwhose large brownish eyes screamed with fearfulness at the site of the exanimate organic structure of our mommyslobber dribbling out of the corner of her mouthsoaking her cheek below the soil of her oculus makeupthat trickled down her sallow tegument on a facedevoid of any expression...

Is ma dead?a small voice whimperedmy sister weeped

My intestine said Yeah she's dead as a doornail

Thankfully my words said No No she's not deadas I carried my trembling, bantam sibling upstairs and tucked her in bed with my promisethat Ma would aftermath up in the I wondered What if she didn't?

Little did I cognize I would inquire again and againfor the adjacent 20 yearswho I would see when I came place from existent ma - you cognize her - the sober, sophisticated lady -or would I happen that ugly, wicked spiritlurking within my mommy's organic structure again?

I loathed that devil who called me atrocious namesand didn't cook dinner or make laundryI wanted to homicide the monster that growled at meslurring words, throwing things and staggering through our house...

So confused, embarassed, shocked, and dazedby how my ma would really be two people

But I learned early -

Never inquire questions...about anything at allNever tell...anyone - not a soulNever kick about the awful monsterfor fearfulness that it would take my existent ma away foreverNever trust anyone or even my tomorrows...since cipher ever knew if the wicked devil would be backNever experience anything...because it was easier to go completely numbthan to stomach the eternal hurting and loss twenty-four hours after day...

When I got older, I thought I could cover betterbut looking back now I cognize I was wrong...It didn't acquire easier, I just became paralyzedbehind the protective wall I built to be safe from her...

Nobody ever met the first male child I went on a day of the month withneither parent even knew his namemuch less what sort of auto I hopped intoor where we were supposed to be going...Because my dada wasn't around and she was drunkand I was ashamed, so I stood by the presence doorwaiting for Tommy's auto to come up down my streetand as soon as I saw it, I barged out the doorraced across the presence porch, skipped the steps, barely letting my feet touching the kerb beforeI bounced into his Chevy with my gleaming smilethat everyone knew me for -

The beaming face with the perpetually beaming smilethat I faked so often, it almost felt real...My cheerful frontage created to disguisemy existent torment and untold twined torture

Today at 30 years-old, I have got got perfected my cryptic mask as I huddle behind my forced, fulgurant smileand feigned nature of blissful peace and normalcy

Nobody ever acquires even a glance of the existent me - tormented by childhood memoriestossing and turning in my bed every night,haunted by frenetic flashes of bad dreams,reeling in faithless feelings, lingering self-doubt, bare disbelief, hopelessly

searching...for explanations, answersto my inquiries that haven't changed in 20 years...

But anything stopping point to apprehension seems to get away my emotional graspeternally eluding my ravished, raging mindand sense of ground and logic...

I surrended myself to a continual, compulsive scramblethrough a baleful labyrinth of misconceptionsthat I perpetuate with my naif expectationsfor a miracle to magically uncover a meaningful responseto my endlessly, impossible questions...

If I could just find...A eremitic ground whymy female parent have continued to take alcoholic beverage over mefor more than than 25 years...Or a single hint to explicate howI can vie for her love whenmy opposition is a lifeless, speechless, emotionlessloyal bottle of vodka...

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Levels of the Mind

A expression at the depth of consciousness and how it can be used in every twenty-four hours life

Most people experience at least three degrees of consciousness within their minds, Waking, Dreaming and Sleeping.

But this is a very flat, additive manner of looking at the mind. The head also have depth, as is experienced when transcending in meditation. The head is a three- Oregon even multi-dimensional experience, which is not limited by either time or space.

Each state of consciousness have its ain world and experiences. If we were dreaming and drop out of an airplane only a parachute in the dreaming state could salvage us.

In the same manner all degrees of being have got got their corresponding degree of consciousness and only by experiencing consciousness on the same degree tin we trust to have an influence.

Science tells us that consciousness and the motion of idea is an electrical activity that can be measured on an electroencephalogram machine. This machine measurements the electrical activity in the different parts of the brain. But scientific discipline also tells us that electrical activity bes at many degrees within matter.

The organic structure is a whole beingness and the head have the consciousness of the whole. Though the organic structure is also made up of variety meat and these have got their ain consciousness. The bosom mathematical functions on an automatic degree of consciousness, giving out moving ridges of energy, which do the musculuses to contract at regular intervals. But within the organ there are cells and within the cells there are molecules and within the molecules there are atoms. At each degree the electrical activity runs in its ain alone way.

But what is the common subject in this? It is that on all degrees of being there is order, there is advancement and development and there is intelligence. Science also tells us that, at the high-grade degree of physical existence, there is a vacuity state, a field of pure energy. In this state everything bes in practical form. This field of pure energy and pure intelligence is the approaching together of head and body: the physical and the mental.

This vacuity state, which is omnipresent, all-pervading, eternal, have been suggested to be a scientific manner of looking at the world of Supreme Being itself.

So how is this order in nature maintained? It is kept in balance by the being of opposites. The atom have a nucleus, which is positively charged and electrons, which are negatively charged. The two types pull each other and the velocity of motion maintains them apart: forming a balance and equilibrium.

The cells of the organic structure are controlled by the environment in which they happen themselves. These have got a more than sophisticated method of communication, by the usage of assorted internal secretions and interaction with the DNA. The deoxyribonucleic acid is like the encephalon of the cell giving out information and creating the order that word forms the constructions of the assorted constituents of the body.

A grouping of cells in bend word form the constituents of the organs. These again have got their ain method of ordering the individual parts.

The chief point being the strength of this order: if the cells travel off doing their ain thing, the system starts to interrupt down. This is the chief cause of malignant neoplastic disease in our bodies, when cells start to multiply were they shouldn’t.

So how make we beef up this order, to convey more than coherency to our organic structures and minds? The easiest manner is through speculation and becoming aware of ourselves. This means, in simple terms, taking our conscious head deep into our subconscious mind, experiencing the subtler degrees of idea and of our ain physical existence. By reaching the beginning of idea and becoming in melody with our deepest self, we go in melody with the existence and all that bes in our environment. We go charged with elusive energy and convey this to everything that we do.

Our heads are full of intelligence, but it is only when we go aware of the intelligence, that intelligence goes intelligent. Therefore self-awareness is the footing of learning, becoming more than aware of our organic structures and head and the intelligence that permeates both. We go intelligent, we addition the ability to utilize our head and do determinations at all the different degrees of the mind, organic structure and consciousness.

Also, other people can undergo this same self-awareness, which we can experience. This experience is the experience of reaching that field of unity. If all the people go in melody with their selves and work from the same cosmic plan, then jobs don’t come up up. We undergo harmoniousness and balance.

We undergo all cognition in its practical form. This is also the meeting point of all the individual heads of the world in a common cosmopolitan mind. By putting our head in melody with the cosmopolitan head we get rid of the chief cause of emphasis in the world. When you are in melody with the cosmopolitan will, you are doing what is right in that place at that time. You undergo a frictionless flowing of life, which is supported by the environment and all those around you.

As you undergo these elusive degrees of the head you get to realise that it is also intelligent. You can start asking it oppugns and seeking knowledge. This is another manner of gaining knowledge; some people mention to it as intuition, some as general knowledge.

It is also possible to speak to other people at these elusive degrees and develop one’s powerfulnesses of telepathy. As with everything in life, you are limited only by your powerfulness to comprehend and desire what it is that you desire to achieve.